im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
