just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
