dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
