I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
