Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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