Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
