I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
