took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm always down for nudity.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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