I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
