just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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