I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he puts the penis in happiness.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
