woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You need a sexual gate keeper
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
