im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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