You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
