If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
