If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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