And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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