the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
