Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
