I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
