update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
