i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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