Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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