do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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