OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
