I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize