He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
