Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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