omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
