somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
