I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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