Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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