What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My penis needs a shock collar
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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