I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it's like heaven, but drunker
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
