i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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