you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize