we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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