connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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