For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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