I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
