I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
