I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
