You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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