I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
