The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
