i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
