David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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