So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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