dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
