During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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