he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
