I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
