apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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