Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
