I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
