I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
