..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
