he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
