There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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