I could have mohawked her pubes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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