so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
