If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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