I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He better not be in your backpack
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
