peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
