Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
