I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We talked him into tasing himself.
Mom said you looked used
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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