Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
