Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
