Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
