I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
