I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
