I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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