Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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