Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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