in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
