I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize