You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
