Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
