Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
