I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need to calm my uterus...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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