i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize