i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
