The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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