U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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