Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
