totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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