I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
