ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
