dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
