So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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