Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
