i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
and you fell through a lawn chair
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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