im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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