Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
