he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
