bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i came on her dog
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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