Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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