and you said cock pushups were impossible
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize