Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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