im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
