I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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