haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
