Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
